What is Love? Post Quarter-Life Crisis Thoughts

What is Love?

I was 23 when I suffered from a major quarter-life crashout. Some lucky few may not experience it, but I somehow became hyperaware of a lot of internal conflicts within myself. I had many doubts about my ability to succeed in my career, whether I would ever find a partner, and if I could cope with moving away from the few close friends I had at the time. After all, I had known how difficult and isolating it is to be alone.

I love my friends, my mentors, my family, but I always wondered if that is "true" love. At least from my experience, where there exists attachment, there is no love.

One of my friends has thoughtfully disagreed with my then-perspective on love (or perhaps, he was unable to understand it). What is wrong with attachment? What is wrong with loving people so much that it would be painful if they exited your life? I would rather spend as much time as I can with them now, knowing that in the future, there will be less time to do so.

After this period of my life was over, I realized I was inadvertently pushing people away due to my fear of abandonment. I did not understand love fully. I knew that love could not exist with insecure attachment; such attachment breeds fear and uncertainty. It's true that attachment creates possessiveness, and it is an inherently selfish feeling. However, I mistakenly thought that the only way to cure this flaw was to avoid it.

Desire / Attachment

Let me explain:

There is a concept that many people are familiar with in Buddhist philosophy. It describes in detail the dangers of human desire. Desire is the root of all human suffering. Desire is what creates attachment to material objects, to status, and to other humans.

So my friend asks, what is wrong with desire?

If you have a strong desire to "possess" certain things in life, it could lead to covetousness, jealousy, and dissatisfaction. It takes away from the present, and places emphasis on the future. 

In the future, I would like to have X, Y, Z, I would like to be admired by my peers, I want a lover, I want....etc. etc.

And if I can't have those things, I will be unhappy.

The truth is, the future is never guaranteed. Mortality is a fact that follows us around. There is proof of how fragile human life is when we take a look at the injustices of fate around us.

The Hedgehog Dilemma

My understanding of love was incomplete. A sense of attachment still followed me around. I had several periods of my life without close friendships, and realizing that I would one day be separated from my friends geographically scared me. They would continue to have meaningful experiences without my presence. I didn't quite understand how to deal with this, and I thought I would have to find a way to cope with being alone.

So I became a bit of a hedgehog.

(I didn't learn of the hedgehog dilemma from Neon Genesis Evangelion, but some of you might've.)

I craved deep social relationships, but my fears caused me emotional pain. Each hangout would be a reminder that there would eventually be an end. I thought that there should be a safe distance for me to stay to avoid getting hurt. You could compare it to a group of hedgehogs cuddling for warmth on a cold winter's day -- get too close, and you'll end up pricking each other. Stay too far, and you end up neglecting your need for warmth.

Of course, I eventually realized humans are not hedgehogs. 

So What is Love?

I believe love is a very selfless feeling. A lot of people think they are in love, or that they love someone, but it is often that they love the idea of someone, or even the role this person serves to them. If I loved my friends, why would I feel a sense of discomfort and even jealousy at the idea that they would continue to live their lives without my physical presence?

Love does not imply ownership. It does not co-exist with selfishness. 

If you think to yourself that your wife or husband is yours, or that your children are yours, or your friends are yours, do you love them? J. Krishnamurti has asked: if they were to pass away unexpectedly, would you mourn them for them? Do you cry because of the life that was taken away from them? Or do you mourn the fact that they no longer can fulfill the role they served you in the past?

I'm sure for many people, it is probably both. It can truly explain some of the irrational feelings of jealousy and insecurity that arise. Even something as small as FOMO (my friends are having fun without me), to deeper feelings of envy (my crush is showing attention to someone else), can be explained through the selfishness inherent to attachment.

Is that so wrong? Of course, it is unproductive to feel shameful about these natural feelings. These feelings shouldn't be forcibly suppressed, but rather understood. It is through that gradual understanding that people (myself included) could finally find security.

Understanding Loss

In the past year, I had experienced an unexpected death in my life. This person was a mentor to me, and although we were never extremely close, I knew of her great impact on the world and people around me. She was level-headed, altruistic, and loved to serve her community.

I was dealing with a difficult situation; a patient had gone through a lot of unfortunate series of events with her health, and the nature of our dental school had made her feel extremely frustrated and angry about the course of her treatment. I empathized with her pain, but I also knew that she was asking a lot from us as healthcare providers -- including the impossible.

I called my mentor on Saturday to go over what we could do. She spent her time talking to the patient on a day in which she shouldn't have had to, and she promised that she would meet both of us in person on Monday to discuss. I felt so incredibly grateful that she refused to let me deal with this alone.

Monday quickly arrived. I couldn't find her. I texted her several times. She didn't show up to her morning meeting with staff, and no one was sure where she was.

Our own meeting time came and went, and the patient was incredibly irritated and lashed out. Why didn't she message you if she wasn't going to show up? This is absolutely ridiculous. I can't believe it. Do you know how hard it is for me to get here?! 

I didn't have anything to say in response.

---

The next day, I was in a class when I learned that I was one of the last people to speak with my mentor.

 I couldn't help crying during the workshop as the lecturer continued to talk. It was a moment when I felt what love was. Because I was not extremely close to her, I did not feel that I myself was robbed of someone's life. Rather, I felt the full unfairness of death, the fact that my patient had continued to be unkind to my mentor despite her passing, and the truth that people would be deeply affected by the loss of her presence.

I began to wonder in the process of grieving, how much of it was to heal those who had been affected by her passing (her family, close friends, etc). How much of it was to grieve the loss of her presence in their own lives, as opposed to the loss of her own life itself? Of course, I completely understood their pain -- but somehow, I couldn't stop thinking about her soul, and her life. 

I might be agnostic, but she was a devout Catholic. I truly hoped that she felt her time spent on Earth was fulfilling and that she died without regrets. I think that this is when I realized what it is like to love someone while not expecting anything from them.

This experience gave me a great reminder that life itself is precious, and the future is never guaranteed. I think it is always important to be present and grateful, and let those in your life know that they are indeed loved fully and deeply! 

Thanks for reading,

- Valentine

I Have Musical Anhedonia

Hi friends!

Have you heard of the Barcelona Music Reward Questionnaire (BMRQ)? I came across it because I googled, "why don't I enjoy music as much as other people?" Of course, it's one of those things you don't bother to google because you don't think you'll get an actual answer. 

A Sixth Sense

Sometimes when I fall asleep, I get a very intense ticklish sensation (some may call it tingling), that ranges from somewhat pleasant to very uncomfortable! I usually have to jolt myself awake because it feels like I'm being tickled aggressively and I just want to squirm. Now, I imagine the majority of people do not experience this. I cannot even begin to accurately describe what it feels like. It's another one of those things I didn't bother to google until later in life!

Reddit turns up sleep paralysis, lucid dreaming, and astral projection forums. Huh, I can't seem to find a scientific answer for this phenomenon.

However, when I asked, "why don't I enjoy music as much as other people?", it turned up something called Musical Anhedonia. For a small percentage of people, the brain's reward centers do not get activated when hearing music. Researchers studying this used a survey to assess five categories:

Musical Seeking: Actively looking for new songs or concerts.

Emotion Evocation: Experiencing thrills, goosebumps, or tears.

Mood Regulation: Using music to alter your emotional state.

Social Reward: Enjoying music as a shared, communal experience.

Sensory-Motor Response: Tapping your feet, dancing, or humming.

I imagine if I took this survey, my score would be pretty low. This is something I didn't realize was a minority within the population. Actually, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw people's Spotify wrapped or number of streams per song (ranging from 200-600). I thought, perhaps, the people who love music post about it more, so therefore they should represent a pretty small subset of the population! 

Hmm... I'm not so sure about that anymore. Imagine losing one of your 5 senses, or having it dulled. I have a friend who can't smell (aka, anosmia). You'd think of this as a minor inconvenience, but it does have an impact on the way you perceive the world compared to others. Taste is greatly affected by smell, so the typical foods other people enjoy would taste different to you. The same friend said she's tried a hit of other peoples' vapes, and she didn't get the hype since they didn't taste like anything. I reminded her that she can't smell, and then she got mad at me. (Joking)

Are we anti-silence?

More often than not, I see people fill the silence with music. I just don’t really have that urge, since I love using silence as space to gather my own thoughts. Apparently, the people I talk to hate thinking to themselves. It seems to kickstart a lot of negativity for people when they start introspecting, but for me, it's an outlet to brainstorm and discover things about myself. I mean, it's exactly what I am doing when writing this blog post.

I often wonder what life was like before streaming services and portable music. Music was probably more of a special event to be enjoyed while active listening, and not so much being out and about.

Why do I collect CDs then? I think I feel that way about music. It’s more of a special occasion for me. When I try to discover music, it isn't through streaming random playlists or the radio. I usually ask for other people's song recommendations, or I will pluck out a melody from the background of a TikTok. I feel that I do have a degree of musical anhedonia, so it is very challenging to find music that I connect with. Furthermore, I have noticed that my memories of a song are not long lasting. Even songs that I think are strokes of musical genius, I tend to forget about if I haven't listened to them recently.

I think CDs help with that. They are a physical reminder to discover music. In fact, I'm forced to listen to the more forgettable songs in a playlist -- aka, the non-hits -- and rediscover them again. I truly feel like when a play a CD, it's like I'm hearing the songs again for the first time. I may not be moved to tears, or want to get up and dance, or gravitate towards music as a source of comfort. However, I see music as an art to be appreciated, and a playlist as a curated collection of similar works (which is artistic in itself). 

My brain's reward centers aren't stimulated just by consuming music. However, tapping into the creative flow that music provides -- making a curated mixtape, hearing someone explain how they produced a song, and breaking down why I think a song is undeniable catchy -- that does! So even though I'm not going to be listening to the same song 600 times, I'm seeking out ways to enjoy music, even if it doesn't illicit as much of an emotional response as it does for others.

Thanks for reading, until next time! 

- Valentine

More than Language

I entered a used bookstore. I don't usually buy books. I am a fan of thumbing through physical pages, but I usually opt for the compact, instant convenience of a PDF copy. Mindlessly, I walk over to the "Asian and Buddhist Philosophy" section and skim through the titles.

J. Krishnamurti, "On Love and Loneliness." Was it surprise or delight to see a familiar name? I flipped through the annotated, stained pages.

Upon seeing the price tag, I scoffed, "They have to be insane for charging $7.95 on an annotated copy of this book! It should be $5, tops." [For context, the "new" price of this book was printed on the back: $10 USD]

My arrogance was facetious. In fact, I knew that I would be happily walking out of the store with this book. Many times, I had traced the words of Krishnamurti's essays over and over in my mind. When I was processing grief and loss, specific sentences from the chapter on "Love" weighed heavily on my mind. My friend, who recommended his works to me, had probably done the same. I take it up to the counter.

He said, "Krishnamurti. I assume you've heard of this man."

I replied, "Yes, I've read Freedom From the Known. I love it."

"You know, I've actually met this man. I remember he was talking, and there was a Tibetan monk who sat and listened. He had nothing more to say; he just nodded."

"Wow, that's amazing!"

"What is it that he said? Something about 'achieving the present.'"

"It's something that is hard to do. I feel like his writings really speak to me."

"Well, if you are someone who feels that way, you are already on the right path."

---

Do we think before we speak?

No, really, what does it mean to allow language to flow from your mind, through your mouth, and into the ear of another person? When we want our words to reach someone's soul, we subliminally prepare our tones, our microexpressions, and even our expectation of how our sentences are to be received.

This is a language in itself. Language is socially engineered beyond the bounds of dictionary definition. Learning a language is difficult due to the multifaceted depth of concurrent exchange — it's not just the words themselves, it's the subtleties in conversation that are picked up through years of assessing patterns.

And how frequently do our original thoughts and intents get muddled through giving and receiving spoken word!

Just think of how many times you've wanted to express the inner workings of your mind, only for your intent to be mangled by words you cannot find. Or perhaps a bit of an awkward presentation in your facial expressions. An oddness to your vocal tone. A jarring misstep in the timing of your interjection, or a rambling thought that has overstayed its welcome. You feel your partner growing tense. Or perhaps you never noticed.

You can take all the time in the world to write a passage, but the flow of spoken conversation is a dance with a tempo that is raging and unforgiving. Then you meet someone who can overcome this dissonance — now, conversation becomes quite effortless. That is to say, they "speak your language."

---

I will never pretend to be an intellectual of any sort. I unfortunately know very little about the literature of the world. I am not so much of a voracious bibliophile, a scholar, or a pioneer. But I am a thinker. I think for hours on end, immersed in thoughts that spill out of my head and never onto paper.

Yes, it is a very self-absorbed way of life, to be preoccupied with your thoughts. I can, however, say that most people are indeed very concerned with themselves. (That may be another conversation for another day.)

In the last few years, I became very invested in the experiences of other people. I developed a curiosity for human thinking, searching for unexplored patterns of thought, perspectives, and interests. During the darkest days of my life, I yearned thoroughly for human connection and guidance. I want to know what makes people go on, and what makes life so fascinating and full of boundless avenues to be explored.

I wanted to be heard on the level of the human soul, but I could not breach that barrier. After all, it is not a "first conversation" type of talk to have with someone. I've understood that many people simply do not care about topics such as philosophy. But the people that do — they have this quiet hesitation about them. To splay one's heart out to another person, and ask them to do the same, requires speaking the same language.

There are languages I am not fluent in. No, I don't just mean my broken Mandarin Chinese, or native spoken English, or what you would typically think of when talking about language. It is not only the subtle gestures and facial expressions that are so crucial to languages such as American Sign Language. Music is also a language. Culture is a language. There is an inexplicable depth to how someone might interpret a conversation based on the culmination of the experiences they've had leading up to that moment.

When you feel like someone speaks your language, and truly speaks it well, it is very special.

---

Neurodivergence is something that has also fascinated me in terms of social interaction and communication. Of course, the status quo benefits neurotypical individuals — communication assumes that you can master the intricacies inherent to human speech. Nonverbal communication, like facial expressions, which are biologically hardwired into us, plays a critical role in language.

Is it ableist to have an expectation that neurodiverse individuals should acclimate to the speech patterns that have become ingrained in society? It comes from an internal desire to have someone who speaks our language. It has been internalized into our brains and, as a result, becomes the basis by which society operates.

When someone questions you bluntly, interrupts the flow of conversation with a loosely related thought, or delivers their tone in an unexpected way, do you view it as a sign of arrogance? Do you think, "Ah, this person possesses a critical lack of awareness and sensitivity!"

Could it actually be not a sign of character, but rather a difference in language? I think often about this. The above examples are certain traits of autism and ADHD that can manifest as insensitivities in speech when perceived by neurotypical individuals. Typically, we are conditioned to perceive someone who questions our motives as judgmental rather than inquisitive. We sometimes think of interruptions in our stories as insensitive, rather than as bonding. There are so many other avenues of communication that can simply be lost in translation, especially when people's brains are hardwired differently.

As a neurotypical individual, I do not want to think of language barriers as one-way accommodation. It can put a lot of strain on an individual, regardless of whether they are neurodivergent or neurotypical. As I've grown older, I've realized how important it is to modulate communication and be direct when you feel that a conversation has become stressful. Sincerity is usually appreciated, especially when it comes from a place of trying to make yourself and the other person feel heard.

"Thank you for your thought, but can I finish what I was saying first?"

"I have been talking for a long time, so please let me know if you would like to talk about something else."

"I know you have a lot to say about [topic], but I was hoping for some quiet time right now. Let's talk later!"

Have you ever thought about language in such a way? It takes a lot of practice, patience, and empathy to have a mastery of not just language, but conversation. Thanks for reading!

Until next time,

— Valentine

My Games of 2026! (and reviews)

Hi friends! It’s been a long time since I blogged about anything, my hobbies are very cyclical so I often take breaks and do new things before coming back to it.

I wanted to share my journey getting back into gaming! To be honest, I don’t think I’ve played any story games since high school. In 2026, I picked up Re4 (2005) on sale, and I’ve got sucked back into it. I’m still a newb, but I’ve changed a bit since my HS gaming days. My favorite games back then were Nier Automata and Undertale. A friend of mine introduced me to more retro horror, and I’ve found that I’m really enjoying this genre. Surprising, since I thought I would be a scaredy-cat.

Here’s some of my reviews for the games I’ve played in 2026!

Re4 (2005) — 9.4/10

This definitely is going in my top three games of all time! I almost couldn’t play it because the old tank/camera controls made me violently ill from motion sickness. Turns out, I can microdose old games until the motion sickness goes away… but it is quite unpleasant.

The humor, ambiance, and delivery of the VAs were excellent. It’s such a campy and funny game, and the fantasy/cultish vibe was up my alley. The story is definitely a “2005 Japan’s idea of an American agent” type of story 😂 we don’t get much character development and the plot is goofy, but thats partly what makes it a masterpiece. I enjoyed it so much because it was pure unserious fun.

Re4 Remake — 8/10

I appreciate that the remake turned the series into a more thoughtful and developed version. The gameplay was largely remastered to fit a newer audience, and it is very action-packed and visual forward.

To be honest, it did lose a lot of its original iconic identity, so I can’t say this game really stands out in a sea of other excellent action horror games. They toned down a lot of the humorous (and borderline absurd) moments, so it definitely is meant to be taken more seriously. The issue with that is… the plot is still the same goofy concept it once was 😅 that being said, the newer tone does feel more continuous with the identity the franchise is trying to establish.

Re9 Requiem — 8.5/10

The gameplay of this game was superb! There was an excellent balance of survival horror and action moments. It was my first introduction to a modern survival horror game with resource management and puzzle elements. Leon’s sections felt more like Re4 remake (hack and shoot), but Grace’s sections were extremely tense. 

The story was relatively good, although there seemed to be some lackluster writing for Leon’s part. Leon’s voice acting was also not that strong for me and felt inconsistent at times. But to be honest, I thought Grace’s portions were pretty darn perfect! I don’t see myself replaying this game, because I think much of the enjoyment also came from unraveling the puzzles and seeing where the story went. 

Re6 - 7/10

Hey, I didn’t really play much of this game, but my friend and I finished Leon and Helena’s campaign on split screen co-op and it was pretty fun! I can’t say I’m going to reach for this game again, but I guess I can say I tried it. It 100% feels like a slightly more advanced version of those 2-player arcade shooter games. The plot is super chopped too. I’m not going to play the other campaigns solo and taint the good memories I’ve had of it… LOL

Clocktower 3 - 8/10

I originally was going to give this a higher rating because I enjoyed it while I was playing, but I realized that if this game was any longer than it was (6 ish hours) I would’ve gotten annoyed with its gameplay quirks. Still, this is an amazing cult classic with a simple and straightforward plot. The puzzles are easy, but some of the boss battles are very hard.

I absolutely loved the ambiance and environment design. Some of the cutscenes were also downright gruesome, which contrasts the magical girl vibe. This game is like Silent Hill meets Sailor Moon. The stalkers in this game are good, but nothing to write home about. The boss battles unfortunately aren’t very enjoyable, even if you understand the mechanics well.

Tip! Save MOST (if not all) of your special arrows until the very last boss. The difficulty spike is weirdly severe. 

Haunting ground — 9.4/10

If you liked CT3, you will love haunting ground. Is it weird to say that Clocktower 3 feels like a prototype of haunting ground? The characters, themes, graphics, and story feel much more developed and polished. The stalkers have motivations and backstories, the puzzles are extremely challenging, and the world is beautifully designed. Of course, you also get a dog companion who has a well-designed AI mechanic, letting you train him like a real dog. The moments between Fiona and Hewie are very emotional and sweet.

Back in it’s release, it got a lot of hate for the sexualization of the protagonist Fiona. I felt that it was rather intentional. The blatant voyeurism in the game forces the player to confront one of the major themes in the story. Oh Haunting Ground, you were ahead of your time…

I’m giving it a similar rating to re4 (2005) because it’s just that good! I think the length of the game was also perfect. I rarely say this, but I would replay this game.

Tomodachi life -- 2/10

Oh, I fear I was not the target audience for this game. I played it for about 15 hours, but the dialogue was rehashed and I already ran out of interesting content I wanted to unlock. There’s hardly any unlockable decor. This is coming from someone who spent 600+ hours on animal crossing, a game with bounds more content to see!

I ended up just selling the game because I had a physical copy. I would only recommend this game if you like drawing miis. You can spend a lot of time in it as a character creator, but just keep in mind, there isn’t much base content in the game besides that.

Currently playing:

Silent Hill 3

This is a masterpiece of a game, but the tank controls and chase camera do annoy me somewhat. Again, I used to want to hurl from motion sickness before it was finally playable… other than that, I really enjoy it! Heather is one of the best horror game protagonists of all time. Also Numb body fan forever.

Anima Mundi Dark Alchemist

I’m not really a VN fan, but the art and voice acting of this game are pretty good. Unfortunately, I found out it was released with a game-breaking bug, and it almost makes me want to drop it 😔 it’s one of the only physical games I own, so it’s a shame! Hopefully I can install the patch even though I already started the game.

To Be Played...

Some of the games I'm looking forward to!

• Metal Gear Solid
• Your Turn to Die
• Re2, Re1
• Kuon

That's it, thanks for reading!

- Valentine

DIY Lampshade

Hi all!

I wanted to show you guys a project I had been severely procrastinating on… my very own custom lampshade. I had bought the frame ages ago, but I hadn’t really planned the fabric or design. This led to me sitting on actually finishing it for months! I even moved apartments before I touched it.

I am a lamp...?

Well, I’m happy to report that it is now done and functional. I ended up finding some scrap fabric that I almost gave away (lol) and using that as the base. I started off by ruching the fabric as I sewed it to the frame.

My sad... swagless lampshade frame

Looks alright! I just cut off the excess and it’s time to move on. I decided to buy some fringe trim online to use for the bottom. After sewing two layers on and stabbing my fingers, here is the result!

Now, to give it a more vintage shape, I sewed a lace strip an inch from the top and cinched it tight. I added a different trim to hide the raw edges at the upper rim. Looking better already!

I then added some more trim to the vertical ridges of the frames for a more panel-like effect. I also pinned a brooch that I never wear to the frame. It looks kinda cool(?) kinda creepy(?)

My biggest tip for making a custom lampshade is to periodically check what it looks like with the light under it and also without the light. You want it to look good under both conditions of course!

Okay, that's it! It's a very short DIY post for today. Nothing too crazy.

Until next time~

Valentine

Children’s Dress to Shiro OP!

Hi all! I wanted to share how I turned this vintage children’s dress into a Gothic Lolita Lacemonster! I was inspired by Marble, Antique Beast, and Old Metamorphose. When I saw this dress at the  vintage store, it looked really unassuming (and kind of grey-ish) in the dark lighting. However, the shiny organdy material caught my eye and reminded me of Meta’s babydoll op. 

The full set in action!

Being a children’s dress, it felt silly that I would even consider buying it. After all, it wouldn’t fit me at all, and wouldn’t it be a bit embarrassing to purchase it for myself? 😳

While Lolita fashion is intended for adults just  enjoying cute clothes, I do have to admit that there is more nuance to the argument typically expressed to normies that geos something along the lines of, “HEY! These look nothing like actual children’s clothes if you even bother to look at it 😡 Like what child is wearing a $300 dress??” 

..

…

….

So…back to me staring down a $35 child’s dress and wondering how I’m going to make it EGL. 😄Would I have been burned at the stake in 2010? Maybe! But I’m going to show you how I did it! 

Inspiration

Organdy Babydoll

Metamorphose’s Babydoll Organdy OP is a dream dress of mine, but honestly, the old school prices and rarity make me feel like acquiring it is not worth the hassle. I was lucky enough to get the black Dot Tulle OP from 2009, which is somewhat similar. However, the OG is a truly iconic piece!

Honorable mentions are the following:

Princess OP

Trumpet Sleeve Babydoll OP

Trumpet Sleeve Tiered OP (Cotton Blend Raschel Lace)

Obviously, there are way too many Meta Lacemonsters to count… love them all!

Process

Here’s what we are working with:

First, I had to adjust the neckline and make the bodice more form fitting. The bodice is completely flat so I needed to find a way to accommodate my bust. 

Instead of the front being the front… aha! I will use the backside of the dress as the front instead. The back of the bodice closed with buttons originally. I sliced the skirt right down the middle to open it up. By adding pintucks to the top area, it added a modest curvature for the bust area. (Later, I trimmed away the excess fabric until I achieved the square neckline)

Then, I created this shirring panel. Have I mentioned that I love shirring panels and hate zippers? If you fluctuate in weight or make a mistake while sewing, there’s not much of a consequence. Zippers on the other hand…. we are not on speaking terms…

Anyway, here it looks with the first half of the skirt attached. There is lace that will ruffle up nicely when the elastic is inserted.

Added the ruffle to the bottom to copy the rest of the dress!

For the sleeves, I added one more layer of raschel lace and cinched them in with elastic. There seemed to be some wimpy old elastic that was… not doing much of anything? I’m just gonna ignore that and sew right over it…

I wanted some detachable princess sleeves so I made a big ol circle. The inner cutout should be somewhat bigger than your arm diameter, but gather it slightly to size. Once you sew it to a cylinder, behold! A detachable sleeve.

I’m on friendly terms with the button hole foot now, so I decided to make them this way instead of using elastics. Less handsewing for me.

Now we attach the middle panel to the dress… and it’s wearable! Then, just slap on some good ol corset lacing. Wait, this was pretty simple after all?

I also made a little choker from scraps I gathered from the dress and a faux flower, as well as a matching capelet!

Now, I did take it outside in the middle of sewing for the dreaded “mismatched” whites test. Something that is really apparent on an overcast day! Surprisingly, it’s not too bad. You can see that it’s symmetrically mismatched (kinda). I’m more forgiving because this is an upcycling project and not a dress made from scratch. (I’m really particular if I have to start a shiro project from the beginning…😭)

Okay, that’s all! Thank you guys for reading this diy post. I’ve been missing making them. Sometimes it’s a toss-up between making a DIY reel or writing a blog post. I think blog posts are much more informational even if it’s not a tutorial. Reels are more just for entertainment (at least when I make them). I know there’s some people out there who like reading these, so I’ll keep posting as long as I’m not too burnt out!

Until next time~ 

Valentine

Gothic Yearning: Going Back to my Roots

Hi all!

It’s been almost 2 years of wearing lolita, but sometimes I’ve feel like I’ve lost the essence of the style that represents me. I’m having fun with coording, but I often feel that I’ve left my gothic roots behind. Therefore, I feel a bit conflicted. Wearing sweet and experimental coords is fun, but when I look back at the photos, I’m like, “hey this doesn’t really represent me… LOL.”

People liked this coord, but it’s not my typical thing!

It’s a bit weird to think about! Well, if I wear it, maybe it is my style in a strange way? Or maybe it isn’t, and it’s more like a fun get-up for the day? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying things that don’t really “represent” you in the strictest sense. 

Still, I want to get back into my gothic style roots. I‘ve always loved EGA and it is one of my biggest inspirations in jfashion. I do enjoy coording and sewing Lolita a lot, which is why I’ve stuck with it. But one day, I may shift back towards EGA!

I decided to do a bit of a gothic style challenge. I haven’t stuck with wearing gothic because I feel like the color palette is redundant sometimes, and I like a colorful feed. I decided to wear and feature 5 gothic coords! Let’s satisfy my gothic yearning!

Coord One

OP: Wild Fable (altered)
Headdress, nun collar: Dearly Valentine
Purse: Upcycled/thrifted
Shoes: Offbrand

I wore this coord out on International Lolita Day, just for some studying. I didn’t want to wear anything too uncomfortable, so this altered target dress was great! I ended up layering it with a nun collar, which was always something I wanted to do with this dress. Nun lolita is a bit out of my comfort zone sometimes, since it sometimes can read as costumey. I'm also not great at gothic makeup, so there's that too LOL. However, I think it turned out alright!

Coord Two

Blouse: Present Box
Vest: Axes Femme
Headdress: Dearly Valentine
Purse: Upcycled/thrifted
Skirt: Offbrand
Shoes: Offbrand

This coord was something I had planned for a long time, but I couldn't wait until the final item came in to wear it. I had to substitute a cheap offbrand skirt for the bottom, but you don't really end up noticing too much! (Ahh...I will await my Victorian Maiden Skirt). I wore this to a nice dinner at a convocation. I ended up not wearing the headpiece just to tone it down. My mom stole my purse for the night so I grabbed something else LOL.

Coord Three

OP: Pyramid Collection (altered)
Headdress: Atelier Pierrot
Shoes: Offbrand

This is a coord I have pretty much worn before, the only difference being the short underskirt I wore under it instead of the long one I wore previously. I wore this to hang out with my friend at the Orange Old Town! Luckily, it wasn’t crazy hot but I had to take my choker off at some point since it got a bit warm. I love how elegant this OP is! It’s such a great offbrand find.

Coord Four

OP: Vintage (altered)
Headdress, bloomers: Dearly Valentine
Shoes: Yosuke

Shiro gothic my love! To be honest, maybe this is stylistically on the sweet end due to the length and styling. For the sake of this post it’s going to be gothic to me. Eh yes I have my mummy platforms on good enough. >:) I upcycled this dress and I really love it to be honest! I has so maybe styling options with the detachable capelet and trumpet sleeves. The contrast between the shiny organdy and cotton panels also is a nice detail to me.

Coord Five

JSK: Metamorphose
Headdress: Dearly Valentine
Shoes: Bodyline

This is a simple gothic blouseless coord that I wore for my trip to Washington state. It wasn’t too warm, but it was quite sunny and the weather was suitable for this style! I don’t wear my jsks without blouses too often, but I think it has a nice casual effect. With a black lippie, it definitely gives more gothic vibes! 

I think this little challenge definitely helped me feel a bit more in touch with my gothic clothing items. I have been neglecting them a little bit because I worry that my coording will feel repetitive. Or, I just want to reach for something that is super casual and comfy that day, and I don’t always think up the best coord ideas. To be honest, there isn’t anything wrong with that! But im happy that I was able to also try a few gothic coords that I’ve been thinking of wearing but haven’t quite got to. 

Until next time~

Valentine